Talking to Your Kids About Cancer

After years of working in public relations at hospitals and other healthcare institutions, Tami Boehmer was suddenly thrust into life as a patient.

On February 4, 2008, she learned she had a recurrence of breast cancer–just months after her five-year, cancer-free anniversary. This time she was told it spread to distant lymph nodes and her liver. One doctor told her, “You could live two years or 20 years, but you’ll die from breast cancer.”

At first, Tami says she was devastated, but soon got angry. How did her doctor know how long she has to live?

Tami needed to talk with other cancer survivors who didn’t accept doctors’ predictions–people who beat the odds. She was determined to find out how they did it so she could do it herself.  She started searching for “miracle survivors” nationwide for her book, From Incurable to Incredible: Cancer Survivors Who Beat the Odds.

Tami started a blog to find more stories and share them and things that have contributed to her health and changing outlook. She also writes about how her cancer impacts her family, including her husband, Mike, and her 12-year-old daughter Chrissy (pictured below).

We will regularly be featuring Tami's blogs here on Women Playing For T.I.M.E. The following post appears with her permission.

Click here to visit Tami's blog and to read more stories from her book, From Incurable to Incredible: Cancer Survivors Who Beat the Odds.

Have you ever noticed how you much more you appreciate a sunny day after a week of rainy weather? Or a warm shower after a "roughing it" camping trip? Cancer is like that, I believe. For me, I've found I'm so grateful for things I used to take for granted before I was diagnosed.

My 12-year-old daughter Chrissy seems to understand this phenomenon. On an outing to get back-to-school clothes, she told me how my diagnosis made her appreciate our relationship more. We have always been incredibly close. I wonder if we would be as close if not for the uncertainties this disease brings. I find myself even being grateful during one of her "hormonal melt-downs." How lucky I am to be here for her as she matures into a young woman! Today she started her first day of junior high. I gave thanks to God that I’m here and healthy to send her off to this new adventure.

It’s the ying yang of life, I suppose. For every challenging situation, there are silver linings. I spent most of my youth with a victim mentality. When I was going to junior high, I had poor self-esteem and a turbulent family at home. I saw the world, especially junior high, as an unsafe place. As I became older, I found healing through being in the outdoors, faith in God, and the goal to reverse the cycle of abuse and neglect of my past by being a good parent someday.

Little did I know that something like cancer would prompt further healing and help me become the parent I always wanted to be.  I’m not perfect, as my husband and daughter would tell you! But there’s nothing like a dose of mortality to kick your relationships in gear.

Chrissy told me during that car ride to get school clothes she was glad I don’t hide information from her. She’d always wonder what was going on and think the worst. I told her I will always keep her in the loop and that she can ask me questions anytime. She knows she’s an important member of our team.

No doubt, it can be difficult to discuss such a serious issue with your children. For information on how to talk to your kids, click on this link from the American Cancer Society. I’d love to hear from you on your experiences discussing cancer with your kids.